How To: Say Goodbye

It’s time to say goodbye. Or rather, to get ready for the intense, overwhelming and altogether life-altering experience that is graduating from an institution. I’d like to tell you exactly “how-to” do it, like to be able to say “do this thing and get a job, it’s that easy!” but it isn’t; I can’t. What I can say is that, no matter how you feel now, it’s all about to end and that’s monumental. Here are a few unnecessary but minimally comforting steps to get you, and myself, through it.
1) Watch every movie about post-graduation. Start with “Kicking and Screaming” by Noah Baumbach. Re-watch “Reality Bites.” Give “Post-Grad” a shot (it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen). Move on to movies about college reunions — why not get teary-eyed about the distant future? “The Big Chill” is a must and “The Romantics” is mildly amusing.
2) Justify buying a new wardrobe for that “job” you’ll have when you graduate. You’ll be wearing suits all the time, right? Yes. Get those fancy pants you’ve been eying.
3) That mysterious stranger in one of your classes that you’ve been daydreaming about, yeah, you should probably talk to him before you’re out of school. Make up a random excuse to chat him up. If it doesn’t go well you don’t ever have to see him again once school is out!
4) Send out job applications everywhere you’d love to work. Someone will get back to you, they’ve just got to. You’re perfect for that assistant editor position at that major publication, they just don’t know it yet.
5) You can’t go home early tonight and get your work done! Your friends are going to the bar and how many more times will you be able to drink with your college friends? Go out and get drunk, it’s one of the last times.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been good at saying goodbye. There’s always the awkward, emotional hug, the last look and the sigh of relief that it’s all over. It sounds like you’re breaking up with someone and that’s because we all are. We’re breaking up with our college selves, shedding those responsibilities and taking on the working world. I’m genuinely terrified and exhilarated, which quite possibly is why I recently got a jump on my future cat lady status and got one. I jest, but the commitments of the last four years are about to be done. Which goes to say that my commitment, writing these “how-to” columns, has come to a close. It’s time for us to break up and it’s not you, it’s me.