How To: Get a Date Online

After being single for over six months and coming to terms with the stark reality that is the New York dating scene, I decided to give online dating a go. While it hasn’t yet been successful for me (I don’t like anyone), I’ve learned a couple critical dos and don’ts when it comes to the online introduction.

The opening line is an art form, one that should display thought, wit and genuine interest, but nothing more (you don’t want to give away too much). Meeting someone online gives you the opportunity to come across as smooth and composed, rather than overwrought by fumbling stutters or overconfident slurs.

Let’s start with the don’ts, they’re easier.

1) Never send a message just saying “Hey,” “Hi,” or especially “How you doin’?” You’re not Joey from “Friends.” And just saying “what’s up?” Same problem.

2) Don’t misspell words, awkwardly capitalize/punctuate, or any of the like. You’re sending a written message, which means you should take time to edit it. Take advantage of such a glorious opportunity. “HI!?! u r PrEtTy” will catch someone’s attention, but in all the wrong ways.

3) Don’t send a super long message professing your love to the person, saying that they’re totally the cutest thing ever and you should totally go on a date because s/he would totally fall in love with you and you could make the most amazing babies and have the greatest time together because you guys are soul mates (you both love witty television and mangoes!) and it’s meant to be. You’ll come off as crazy; gushing is annoying, and it’s likely that they won’t read the whole thing.

Onto the dos.

1) Do send a striking, attention-grabbing, but for all the right reasons, message. Think of this as if you’re sending out a story to get published, and it ends up in the slush pile waiting to be read by an intern. There has to be something that would make them a. want to keep reading and b. message you back.

2) Do send some sort of date plan, albeit after a few messages. “Hey lady, we should go on a date based on ‘Home Alone,’” is more likely to get a response than “Hi, how are you?” because you’ve set yourself apart. And who wouldn’t want to go on a themed date? Just sayin’.

3) If you have common interests, say so in a concise and forward manor. Being direct can be charming. Though, if you’re directly propositioning someone for sex, they will probably be offended.

And remember, if all else fails, getting drunk and wallowing in your loneliness never does.